Not even sure why I used that heading, but I did and it is staying.
The executive decision HAS been made, but me! Why? Because I can.
It’s actually not that hard being on my own. I always knew I didn’t need anyone, but as soon as I get close to someone I become this big needy ogre … Who wants to be that person? Not me. But sadly I become this. And it shits me because this is NOT who I am.
I’ll get it right one day, hopefully.
I do believe that S is the one for me. I knew as soon as I laid eyes on him, he knew it in me as soon as he saw me. I haven’t been in contact with S for a week now and it’s really strange to me, this is the longest we’ve not talked since we started talking in late January. It seems almost surreal, but it’s VERY real. VERY real. I am not liking it very much though. I miss him in the familiarity way. I know that once I get over that phase, that’s it, but I need to in order to evolve … I am between a rock and a hardplace right now.
I am sure the universe will give me clues … in time when I am ready.
