I just realised I hadn’t been blogging for a few days, my mind has been elsewhere literally. S has been online and I haven’t spoken to him. I have him blocked so he cannot see me but I can see him. I am not ready to speak to him. I just know I’ll get annoyed so until that time when I can talk to him in a mature manner I won’t be … I know why he is online, to look for me … He hadn’t been online in a wee while and then all of a sudden he is back. I am not around for him to talk to. I am sure someone else can speak with him, he doesn’t need his hand held by me.
To be honest, I haven’t really thought about him, which has been nice. if anything when his name pops into my head I push it out of my mind and think of the present, and it works well with me. I don’t check my phone anymore, I don’t check email anymore, I don’t even wake up or go to sleep thinking of him anymore. I am truly letting go. I don’t even know if I want to talk with him again or if I even want him back in any capacity. I am pretty happy just being … on my own. And at this moment in time it feels right.
So why would I want to sabotage something right with me for once in my life? Something to ponder.
